“If they only knew…”
There’s magic that happens when I’m using my embodiment practices. I often wish I could project my experience onto a screen so people could watch it, like a movie.
When pain is transmuted or bliss appears, I feel so excited. I want to scream from the rooftop and share my zeal, but rarely is anyone as enthusiastic as I am!
Recently, I went through an intense emotional roller coaster and found myself journaling poems about my inner process.
I’ve never written poems before. It feels rather vulnerable to share them, but these words offer a new way to give you a glimpse into a life guided by somatic healing.
I recorded an audio version, which is my first foray into the spoken word form.
What’s your felt experience of listening to this sharing?
I’d be grateful to hear from you.
And now, the poems…
I’ll Be Okay When…
I hear back about that text
I work out this conflict
When I feel understood.
I’ve been noticing myself bracing,
waiting for this or that.
I’m not willing to wait anymore.
Instead,
I’m calling back all the threads of energy
I’ve projected forward.
I’m pulling the forward reaching threads
back to my solar plexus.
As my energy returns to my body,
in the present moment,
I feel stronger and more peaceful.
I’m not waiting for things to be as
I want them to be.
I’m filling myself from my inner presence — now.
I Made the Common Mistake…
Trying harder and harder to heal.
But all that mental effort brought more tension,
more contraction,
more pain.
Then life pushed me beyond what I could hold
and I let go.
That’s when I found faith.
It’s the warmest, most soothing sensation:
the feeling of being fully held,
with trust in love and life,
even while I’m still hurting.
Please Don’t Fix Me
Please,
don’t try to fix me.
I’m not broken.
I’m human.
I’m real.
Don’t try to cheer me up.
Don’t tell me “it will be okay.”
Find your courage,
be vulnerable with me.
See me.
Feel me.
Tune to me.
Resonate with me.
That’s the loving presence I need.
Dancing with Grief
I was so joyful
dancing under the trees,
picking wild berries
and communing with the earth.
I felt so full,
so hopeful,
so alive.
In those moments,
it feels like the good vibes
couldn’t possibly leave.
But, the cycles of life keep turning.
I was hit with a tidal wave of grief.
I’ve been here before.
I have all the practices.
And yet,
it’s so raw,
vulnerable,
and in moments unbearable.
I breathe into it.
I open my heart to hold me through it.
I call on the land.
I sit by the river.
I trust in the flow of life.
And, it still hurts like hell.
I trust that this intensity will pass.
I will be dancing with joy again soon.
And now.
There’s only surrender.
I Survived — Again
As the anguish peaks,
all I want is relief.
A remedy, a hug, a song,
a dance, a meditation.
Everything helps a bit
but not enough.
I squirm here and there
trying to numb myself
but find dead ends.
The doorway is allowing it
to wash over me.
To go under,
trusting that I’ll emerge.
And, I have.
The ground feels solid again.
I sit on a rock at the river’s edge,
as the water gushes by me.
It’s like a time warp.
Was I really drowning in tears
just hours ago?
The tide is out,
the cycle has ended,
and I’m left feeling so held by life.
The Bounce Returns
After a day of heartbreak,
how was I composing a joyful tune in the shower tonight?
The bounce was back in my step.
I was dancing around my bathroom as I brushed my teeth.
Creative energy poured out of me, keeping me from sleep.
When I finally settled,
the echo of my sadness was still reverberating in my body,
but I was at peace.
I knew the tides had turned,
nothing more was needed.
She Remembers Again
"Come little one.
What you seek there is right here."
As she rests back and in,
the filters open like the cracks in old venetian blinds.
She pauses at sthe light shines in,
remembering who she is.
She can't quite shine in it yet,
the fracture still hurts.
But she knows again.
That's enough for now.
Thank you for your presence.
Peace,
Alyssa
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